Goddess or Doormat?: Why Women Deserve Better Than Outdated Labels

“Women are either Goddesses or Doormats,” Pablo Picasso once said. In his art, he immortalized women as both sensuous muses and distorted monsters. In his life, he often treated them as possessions, telling one mistress, “Women are machines for suffering.”

Cruel? Yes. Outdated? Absolutely. But here is the part that stings: even today, in a world that prides itself on progress, countless women still find themselves navigating relationships where they feel diminished, silenced, or treated unfairly.

If you’ve ever downplayed a compliment with “It was on sale, nothing special,” bit your tongue in a disagreement because you did not want to be “difficult,” or said “Do whatever you want” when asked to make a decision that mattered… then you already know what it feels like to live under those invisible but very real expectations placed on women.

But here is the truth, and let me say it loudly: being kind, empathetic, and sensitive is not weakness. It is a superpower. And it is time the world (and we, as women) stopped confusing submission with strength.

Why Do Women Still Shrink Themselves in Relationships?

Women today are CEOs, scientists, athletes, and leaders—yet many still feel pressure to play small in their personal lives.

1. Social Conditioning Runs Deep

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From an early age, many girls are taught to be “nice” and “feminine”—walk a certain way, talk softly, smile more, and avoid ruffling feathers. Studies show that gender-role conditioning starts shockingly early; children as young as age 2 already internalize gendered expectations (Martin & Ruble, 2004).

2. Conflict Avoidance

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Women are often wired (and socially rewarded) to prioritize harmony. Research highlights that women report higher relational interdependence, meaning they are more likely to prioritize others’ happiness over their own (Cross & Madson, 1997). Translation? Many women keep quiet, endure humiliations, or put on a happy face—because they would rather “keep the peace” than risk being labelled “selfish” or “ungrateful.”

3. Media and Cultural Influence

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Movies, advertisements, and family traditions have long romanticized dominance and submission. Women internalize these scripts, sometimes subconsciously seeking out partners who fit the “strong man, silent woman” stereotype. And yet, when women step outside this script—assertive, opinionated, or decisive—they often face backlash, labelled as “bossy” or “aggressive.”

How We Are Shrinking Ourselves

A woman at a café cannot even decide between tea or coffee without deferring to her partner. When complimented on her outfit, she minimizes it: “Oh, it’s nothing, just a sale piece.” Instead of simply saying, “Thank you, I love it too.” At home, she steps back from major decisions—school choices for children, home renovations, travel plans—saying, “Whatever you want.” It has become so ingrained we barely notice. But here is the kicker: when women silence their voices in small choices, it often bleeds into the bigger ones.

The Trap of Passive Aggression

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Psychology has a name for this: passive-aggressive behaviour. It is what happens when frustration simmers beneath the surface, but instead of addressing it, it leaks out sideways—through silence, sarcasm, or avoidance. Research shows that passive-aggressive patterns can erode trust and communication in relationships (Scherer, 2017). But here is the reframe: the opposite of passive aggression is not aggression. It is assertiveness. And assertiveness is where true equality begins.

Why Equality Still Feels Like a Struggle

Let us be real: women today are academically and financially catching up to men in many parts of the world. And yet, equality inside homes and relationships often lags. Why? Because women are still juggling unique physical and emotional challenges that shape their lives in profound ways:

• Menstruation & hormonal shifts
• Childbirth & postpartum recovery
• Menopause
• Caregiving responsibilities
• Empty-nest transitions

Each of these phases tests not just a woman’s body but her identity and self-worth. Somewhere along the way, she begins to compromise—putting family, work, and tradition first while forgetting one vital person: herself.

Actionable Takeaways: From Doormat to Goddess Energy

Enough talk. Here is how you can start reclaiming your voice and worth today:

Practice Micro-Decisions
Next time you are asked tea or coffee, choose confidently. Small choices build the muscle of assertiveness.

Accept Compliments with Grace
When someone says, “That’s a beautiful sari/dress,” stop deflecting. Look them in the eye and say: “Thank you—I chose it because it makes me feel amazing.”

Speak Up in Relationships
Instead of “Whatever you want,” try: “I’d prefer this option because it matters to me.” Clear. Direct. Respectful.

Reframe Kindness as Power
Empathy is not weakness. Research shows emotional intelligence (which women often score higher in) is a predictor of stronger leadership and healthier relationships (Mayer, Salovey & Caruso, 2008).

Unlearn and Relearn
Remember: all learned behaviour can be unlearned. If you were taught to shrink yourself, you can also teach yourself to expand.

The Mindset Shift We All Need

The world desperately needs an update to the old narrative that women are “lesser.” Change will not happen overnight, but it begins with conversations like this—and with women daring to stand unapologetically in their truth. And let us not forget: equality is not just a “women’s issue.” It is a human issue. Raising children with the values of empathy and respect—teaching boys to champion equality as much as girls—is how we rewrite the future.

Final Words: You Are Worth It

The next time you catch yourself downplaying, deferring, or silencing your needs—pause. Ask yourself: Am I being the goddess I am, or am I slipping into doormat mode? Then make the brave choice. Stand tall. Speak clearly. Walk boldly. Shine so brightly that your light blinds the bigoted. Because nothing worthwhile will ever come from being someone’s doormat. And in the timeless words of that L’Oréal ad: You are worth it.

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