Toxic Family Members

I hate it when people say - "They are still your family".

Just because someone is family you don't have to indulge them if they are toxic.

They could be family by birth or marriage.

Don't let people guilt you into tolerating someone who is not good for your mental health. 

Signs you are in a toxic relationship with your family member...

1. Nothing you say or do is good enough.

2. They will not allow you to be different.

3. They will always drag out your past - your behaviour, your reaction, your tone and your actions.

4. They comment on your smallest flaw and perceived imperfections.

5. They are critical, controlling and sometimes hurtful without thinking about your needs, wants, desires and feelings.

6. They leave you feeling guilty and ashamed of who you are.

7. They act like they are flawless and made no mistakes.

So how do we go about dealing with difficult family members? 

First and foremost, identify the family members you think are trying to rock your boat.

Note: I've had my share of family members who have always rubbished me - be it my ideas, my ways of talking, parenting, work ethics, home management or fashion sense. For a long time, I was doing the exercise of running from pillar to post trying to appease one or more family members. 

One fine day I crumbled and hell broke loose. I was arrogantly obnoxious and all my faculties closed down one by one. I got crippled by my inner turmoil. I knew there was an option to seek therapy but I was lacking the stamina to share my turmoil. Eventually, I mustered up the courage to seek help, but it was out of desperation and not with the want to correct my ways of being. My first step towards self-development began when I was in the lowest point of my life and I had to decide whether I should live or depart. I choose to live and thus started my many journeys towards self-development.

The tips given below could probably help you deal with those family

• Understand that you cannot change them. They are who they are. They have to want to change for themselves. Focus on what you can control and not - who or what you can control. 
• Focus on being your best self to their bad behaviour. Rearrange the expectations you have from them. Understand that they do not have the bandwidth to meet those expectations or simply do not wish to meet those expectations.
• Don't lose your integrity. Don't beat yourself black and blue emotionally. Ask yourself this - are they worth it? Keep YOU on a pedestal. After all, you have also been on a journey called Life and have dealt with its good and bad.
• I've learnt a bit of detachment, peaceful responses, assertiveness or emotional distance can help in defusing that toxic energy or behaviour.

AND

•  Practice Calm 🙏

It infuriates them.

Letting toxic people go is not an act of cruelty but an act of self-care.

To unblock your emotions, to make yourself worthy again, speak to just get the steam off you, get connected with a therapist at Transform Happily. Talking helps.